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W
e e k l y F
e a t u r e P a g e
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The contents of the “Weekly Feature” page are provided
to you for your entertainment, amusement, and perhaps information.
Here you may find articles of interest, pictures, historical information
on the Club, or whatever shuffles to the top of the pile on our
desk. The only defined characteristic of this space is that we
will make every effort to change/replace it around the middle of
each week. Thank you for visiting, and please stop by again. Click
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The
Fergus Forum
The mood seems tense, as locals pull their well worn
chairs within arm’s reach of the round table at Café Fergus. You know
what the “round table” is. Every restaurant has one. It
really has nothing at all to do with the shape of the table. The term
speaks more to the circular motion of the conversation, as it flows
from those who surround the honored piece of furniture. The participants
are nearly always experts, too, and one is called to wonder how so
much talent and wisdom could be there assembled, in the complete absence
of any compensation for their offerings. What generous souls must these
men be, to freely offer their opinions, solely for the benefit of their
fellow man, with no hope for anything in return. Or maybe I’m
missing the point, maybe it really is an exchange, with each participant
giving in equal measure to what he receives. Yes, I’m sure that’s
it. That would bring an almost karmic symmetry to these daily rituals
that take place in Towns and Villages all across the Nation. It happens
in your Town, and it happens in Fergus.
As it happens, most of us are more productive in
the morning hours, fresher, more energetic than we might be later in
the day. So it seems
logical that these local “think-tanks” usually take place
in the morning. After all, why not bring your best to the table? And
what would a morning be without coffee? No-brainer, it would be no
better than any other random time of the day, indistinct, and unremarkable.
So, mornings it is, then. That’s when the experts reign, as they
donate an hour of their valuable time toward the betterment of humanity.
Coffee and conversation. Coffee and camaraderie. Coffee and cigarettes…….
But wait! There’s a signpost ahead…….. right there,
on the door of the diner. What does that say? “Café Fergus
is now a smoke free facility???? Well, “Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot?”,
as they say in the military. How did this happen? Could it have been
caused by another benevolent entity acting for the betterment of humanity?
Did they march up to the weathered screen door of the diner and mouth
that classic line, “We’re from the government, and we’re
here to help?” Did they huff and puff, with their pink, healthy
little lungs blowing hot air and sunshine up our collective asses?
Yes, my friend, it appears that they did.
And so here we sit, sullen and irritable. As each
new arrival takes his place around the table, the steel caps on the
ends of all 4 legs
of his chair produce a squawk that makes the hair stand up on the back
of your neck. It seems to take 5 full minutes for that one chair to
slide 2-1/2 feet closer to the table. And Flo, the 58 year old bleached
blonde waitress that we all loved yesterday, must have a touch of laryngitis,
since her voice seems to make the window panes vibrate when she asks
for the orders. Why in the hell do we have to listen to that ceiling
fan, too, with the endless drone of its buzzing motor? And is there
possibly one more stainless steel saucepan that moron in the kitchen
could drop as he apparently practices his culinary juggling act?? Oh,
and Jim, I don’t care how smart you think you are, today you’re
just plain wrong.
“
What was new at the coffee shop today, honey?”…………………………………………….”Shut
up!” |